January 17, 2006

EXCERPTS FROM DR. FRANKLIN RUEHL'S WEIRD STORIES OF 2005

1st face transplant (in France)characterized by 2 unusual aspects aside fromthe surgery itself: the gal undergoing the operation had attempted suicide with an overdose of barbiturates(which may have provoked her pet Lab to maul her face as he frantically tried to wake her) while the donor had hanged herself to death!
-A foot-long koi (a type of carp) came sliding down a Mansfield, England chimney, bounced off of the flames, and landed on the hearth, amazingly still alive...a heron's beak mark on its back indicated that the bird scooped him out of a garden pond, then accidentally dropped him..."Sooty" is now enjoying a new lease on life in a local pet shop!
-Doofuses of the week! Two morons separately died from swallowing lit firecrackers that exploded inside them during New Year's festivities in the Philippines (fortunately, they were not readers of "The Realm of Bizarre News")
-Tragic coincidence! 2 brothers perished in separate car accidents within 15 minutes of each other in Louisville, KY...each had crashed into a tree! Their father, a deputy sheriff, was called to the scene of one accident, and unknowingly drove right past the site of the other misfortune!
-A farmer in Oman lost his cellphone...when he dialed its number, he heard it ringing inside the stomach of one of his favorite his cows who had swallowed it!
-Amazing gent whose neck was in traction and both arms in casts after a serious accident fled the Burwood Hospital in Christchurch, New Zealand, still wearing a traction "halo," possibly because he has a terrible fear of doctors and hospitals!
-Kind dog owner in Point Lonsdale, Queensland, Australia, was taking some leftovers on a china plate out to his beloved pooch when he tripped and fell on a rock in the yard...a broken shard pierced his neck, causing him to bleed to death (so, please, please, use a paper plate when delivering treats to your canine pal).
-Armed robbers stopped a money courier's vehicle in Gronau, Germany, forcing him off the road, but, in their haste, grabbed the first aid kit instead of the money satchel!
-Man's body was left on the side of a Pennsylvania road for 3 days because passersby mistook him for a dead deer since he was attired in tan clothing!
Unfair! Gal is being fined $25 every time she walks her spaniel through the lobby of her condo in Long Beach CA, having already racked up $1600 in charges...if she carried the 20-pound pooch, there would be no fine, but she cannot lift him because of being partially disabled! Unfair!
-Archaeologists digging near Aleppo, Syria, have unearthed several titanic tombs that reportedly house the remains of giants from the Biblical era, including a legendary colossus, Muhammad the Tall One, who may have stood over 22 feet! (Nephalim?)
-Kind biologists in New Zealand carefully removed 600 5-foot-long Gippsland earthworms from the planned path of a new road, relocating them to safer digs...these humongous crawlers, which can actually be heard moving underground, are extremely gentle and graceful! (Strange and beautiful world!)
-World's tallest building, the Taipei 101 in Taiwan, which stands 1,667 feet in height, apparently is causing earthquakes because its enormous weight (700,000 tons) is stressing the ground beneath it...it may even have opened up an ancient faultline! And, other skyscrapers, dams, and even subterranean waste disposal sites around the globe may also be similarly engendering seismic activity!
-A physician in Stockbridge, Georgia was injecting cancer patients with commercial weed killer while billing their insurance companies for "low-dose" chemotherapy!
-Unfair! Dad fired for picking discarded chocolates from the trash at the store he worked at (Zellers of St.Hyacinthe, Quebec)...he was going to give them to his 3 children for Christmas!
-Hamlet's castle is haunted! Staffers at a new restaurant in the 431-year-old Krongberg Castle in Denmark, the setting for Shakespeare's celebrated play, claim to have seen shadows floating enigmatically, windows and doors inexplicably flying open, and even the ghost of an old man walking! (Demons)
-Baronet Sir Benjamin Slade will give away his 1500-acre estate in Somerset, England to the person with the DNA most closely matching his...thus far, 5,000 folks named Slade have been tested, with a North Carolinian coming closest! How about you?
-Single gals have been leaving their undies at the tomb of a deceased rabbi, Yenothan Ben Uziel, in Amuka in northern Israel, hoping that their prayers for a marriage mate will be answered!
-Eek! A Chinese cosmetics firm is utilizing the skin from executed criminals to manufacture a new line of beauty products being marketed in the UK!
-Gutless wonders! Not even one of New Delhi's 97 official rat catchers has snared even one rodent in the past 10 years! Gutless wonders!

-He should not have tempted fate! Aussie was having the phrase,"Last Rites," tattooed on his chest at a parlor in East Williamsburg, Victoria when he suddenly passed put, staggering into a glass counter and smashing his head through it, dying on the spot! Fate apparently moved its huge hand at seeing that challenging phrase!
-A village of killer wives exists in Nagyrev, Hungary, where some 140 hapless men have been poisoned since the 1920s!
-Spooky! The ghost of the late Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin is haunting the Lenin Museum in his former home in Samara, Russia...his apparition has been seen, his voice and footsteps heard, and the aroma of his favorite apple cake permeates the rooms!
-To honor his late mom, a football fan recently ran onto the field at Philadelphia during the Philadelphia Eagles' contest versus the Green Bay Packers, depositing her cremated ashes on the field! Truly a loyal son!
-Furious over a $30 parking ticket he received in Glendale, CA, a man proceeded to torch the city's official Xmas tree, causing $8,000 in damage...for a starter, his bail has been set at $50,000, with fines and jail time probable!
-When reality imitates art: Amity Beach was the fictional site of the film "Jaws"...at a real Amity Beach, down in Sydney ,Australia, a 21-year-old female swimmer was attacked by not one, but three, sharks who literally chewed her apart as she screamed for help (her companions thought she was joking).
-Oops! Geriatric thief, 70, robbed a post office in Kawagoe, Japan of $2,000 in coins, but stumbled and fell as he tried to make off with the heavy 22-pound bag, which split apart on the pavement!
-Turn about! A cabbie in Hollywood, CA shot a passenger who refused to pay his fare...for some unfathomable reason, the company has suspended him!
-Ouch! Teen gal, 19, in Thailand had an itchy throat so she tried to scratch it with a toothbrush which she promptly swallowed, where it remained lodged remaining for 3 agonizing days until a surgeon extracted it (that is precisely why I always tie a string to my toothbrush before using it to scratch my throat)
-Finnegan, an orphaned squirrel who was nursed by a Seattle family's dog and lived indoors for the 1st 8 weeks of his life, has not forgotten his benefactors, periodically returning to cavort in their yard, even bringing along other squirrels!
-Great idea! Church in Pendleton, OR, is raising money selling toilet paper, yes, I said toilet paper...of course, the brand is "Angel Soft", and if you buy a case, it will be delivered at no extra charge!

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